Since my husband and I moved out from where we were things have been okay I guess, but I can't help but wonder if possibly we are headed for disaster.  I'm sure you guys remember me complaining about all the stuff that was going on down there in that trailer we were living in.  The beer getting drank in front of my kids, the constant sexual remarks towards me and my friends.  Well, lets not rehash that nightmare. Anyway, at the time I was looking to Kenny to stand up for me.  You know to say something to this man.  He kept claiming that he had, but the stuff continued going on.  However, I never saw him say a word.  It often made me wonder if he was just telling me that to shut me up about it for the time being.

See, I needed Kenny to take my side on decisions we had made years before.  Decisions about the drinking around the kids and such as that. Not to mention, I was hurt that it didn't seem to bother him all the sexual remarks being thrown in my direction.  Let's just say that I didn't think very much of my husband at the time.  Since that time, Kenny and I have not been the same.  We get along okay and everything appears normal, but it's really not.  Not for me anyway.  At a time when I really needed my husband to stand in my corner, he was standing on the other team and that really hurt me.  I never could get him to understand how much.  It took me giving an ultimatum to get him to be willing to move from there.  Basically I told him "My brother is loaning me the money and I'm moving with or without you because I can't take anymore."  It upset me that I had to resort to a threat to get things moving.  It really hurt to be honest.

I have always wanted someone to stand by my side no matter what.  I thought that was what marriage was supposed to be about, yet here was my husband rooting for the other team.  I've tried to move past it, but it really put a dent in our marriage and sometimes I wonder if I should even still be with him.  I stay because I feel that maybe there is someway to work things out, but these thoughts are constantly on my mind.  What if there is nothing left in me that really wants to work it out?

Is it wrong that I expected him to stand beside me?  Is it wrong that he didn't?

I haven't had the chance to really leave a lengthy blog on xanga lately, but I thought I would take a moment to touch base.  Since the New Year, I have had several thoughts running through my head.  I actually sat down like many others and wrote a list of resolutions. Things I would like to change.  One of the things that popped up on my list was my life in general.  It surprised me to look down and see the words staring up at me, but I honestly do feel the need for a change.

I have started thinking of looking into going back to Dalton College.  See, I originally went there out of highschool to pursue journalism.  I never got to finish.  As you all know, I LOVE to write and it's no secret that I am a stay at home mom.  Lately, the stay at home mom thing just hasn't been enough.  Life is so short.  Any moment your light can go out and that will be the end of it on this earth for you.  That might sound depressing, but it is the truth.  Anyway, back to the point.  I plan to drive over to Dalton one day after the gym and look into what I would have to do to get my foot back in the door.  I don't think they offer journalism as a major anymore, but I might could find something similar.  My first order of business is to go see what they offer and what I have to do to get back in.  Wish me luck.

On a happy note, we got our w2s today.  We are planning to file Friday and hopefully will have the money in our hand sometime next week.  I called HR block to find out exactly how it would work and that is about the extent of it.  I am definitely happy about that.

I hope that all of you guys are doing well today!  Have a great day! :):)

 to..........

2010!

I hope that the new year is finding all of you fairing well.  I am doing really good.  I had a great Christmas, as I hope all of you did.  I ended up getting several things that I had been wanting.  The kids got things they had been wanting as well.  Gabby got hooked up this Christmas.  A nintendo DS, MP3 player.  Oh, and I forgot to mention that she also has a little prepaid cellphone now.  My daughter isn't so little anymore.  She's still a baby to me, but she is fast approaching tween years.  She will be TEN YEARS OLD in eight days!  When did she get that big?!

I just wanted to drop in and wish all of you a wonderful day!  Things are going well for me.  Mary and I have been working on CS.  I am still going to the gym and I love it!  Take care! 

I thought I would drop in and wish everyone a Merry Christmas considering that I probably will not be back on xanga until after the holiday.

Things are going well for me.  I still don't have my own internet at the moment.  We are trying to make it through Christmas in one piece financially.  I am happy to report that as a Christmas present my hubby sent me back to the gym.  I've been wanting to go back for awhile.  I had really missed it.  I'm covered for three months before I have to worry about paying anymore, so I don't see myself having to quit again because that gives me plenty of time to get the money for the next three months.  Not to mention, our rent and all is cheaper.

Well, I am going to jet.  Got email to check.  I hope all of you are doing great!  Miss you guys!

I am still around.  I haven't been getting online much lately.  I have been spending my time writing and helping the kids with their homework.  they really bring home alot now.  Gabby stays busy and she is just in fourth grade!  i can't imagine what it is going to be like when she hits junior high!  I shudder to think about it.

i have also been doing some walking.  Just my way of trying to drop some weight.  It's a slow go, but I love it.  Mary is bringing number four along nicely and a link to it will get posted just as soon as it is finished and up for reading.  It will be done soon.

I hope all you guys are doing well.  Take care and have a great week!